An Open Letter to the Christian Music Industry Re: You Suck

I think I speak for Christian everywhere when I say: “you seriously suck.”

Prove it you say? Ok, I will.

Why, in the last hour of listening to Christian Radio, did I hear 7 remakes of hymns and “worship” songs? How many original songs do you think I heard?

One. (In case you were wondering, I thought it was a commercial until it just kept going and going…)

I cannot remember the last time I was surprised by a “christian” song. You know what I mean right? It’s when you find yourself saying something like:

“Wow, that song could almost be on the REAL radio!”

When did Christianity begin to celebrate mediocrity? It’s disgusting. I’ll bet Carmen is rolling over in his grave right now.

What? He’s not dead?

Well if he were, I am sure there would be rolling involved.

The real kicker here? You already know that you suck.

You just don’t care.

You remind me of a desperate 40-something who doesn’t won’t grow up. You keep telling yourself that sooner or later the rest of the world will come around to your way of thinking and you won’t be the incredible weird creepy guy in the corner at the dance.

Grow up. Spread your wings. Useless idiom number 3!

I do have some good news for you. I have the answer to your problem!

Have an original thought. Just one. Start out small and just do one new thing. I know you can. We know you can. By “we,” I mean every Christian in this country who gets in their car with a friend, starts it, turns on the radio and immediately changes the station because, hey, we can’t be caught listen to any more of your crap.

If it doesn’t work you can remake something from Sandy Patty or good ol’ Carmen. Call it a “tribute” or something.